Job

I never seem to find time to blog. It takes too long and I can't think of anything to write. Dassi on the other hand always has these amazing three page long blogs every week or more and I don't know how in the world she finds time. She is like three times as busy as I am! So I decided to make myself sit down tonight even though it is 10pm and try to think up something to write. It wasn't too hard once I put my brain to it. I'm gonna try harder to find things in my life to write about. I think it helps me.

Last month I read through the book of Job. It wasn't the first time but I definitely got more out of it this time. Job was amazing! He went through soooo much and yet he never lost his faith in God or became bitter towards Him. And here I am, whining because I'm struggling a little. I don't have as much going on as Job did and yet my attitude is worse. I had a really good talk with Stephen last night and He was talking about everything, bad and good, that comes to us in our lives is from the hand of God, to help us grow and make us into a better person. Wow. That's hard to chew on, but it's true. If I could take just a little of what Job had with God for myself than I would be in a whole lot better situation than I am.
Another thing that was wow was how God told Job that if he didn't forgive his friends, God wouldn't. Ouch! Imagine God saying that to you! That's a lot of pressure!
I had a lot more planned to write about this but that's all I can think of for now. :(

Something I read a few days ago...

I was reading something in a daily devotional from missionaries around the world the other day and came across something that was pretty interesting. Basically it said that we shouldn't just read the Bible as something we have to do, but read it searching for what God has for us that day. It was pretty neat and exactly what I needed for that day. Last year I tried to read the Bible through with a plan my mom printed off the computer. I didn't succeed. :( So this year I am trying it again with a different plan that I think I like better...so far. Last years' plan skipped through the Bible. For example, on Monday I would read a couple chapters in Genesis and Tuesday I would be reading a couple chapters in Matthew. Anyway, I didn't like skipping around because I always forgot where I left off and such. So this year I am like going straight through the Bible, Genesis to Revelation. To be honest, it gets pretty boring reading about everything that happened with Moses and how they where delivered from Egypt and all the plagues, then about everything God told Moses about how to make the tabernacle...especially for the third time. So I was at that point in boringness when I read that thing out of the daily devotional.

Living a Life that is not yours...

I'm not going to say that nothing has happened with me lately because that would not be true. There is always something happening whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. Recently I have had look at myself a lot and have been coming away not fully satisfied. I have been in a lot of unreality lately with everything. I have not been taking responsibility for my actions. Instead whenever someone says that I did something wrong (again), I just blow them off by saying, "well, everybody has problems". I've been thinking a lot about myself and what would make my world just wonderful instead of trying to make everyone else's world the best. I've tried to get a job and fulfill my needs first, but God has stepped in the way every time. It makes me mad when I look at my friends and see how their lives seem so amazing with their jobs and everything they have. I've tried to push past God to get my way but, thank God, He hasn't let me. He has been trying to tell me something but I haven't been listening for His voice so it gets lost in with my daily hectic routine of selfishness. I think finally I've caught a glimpse of what He's been trying to say. I have been reading some George MacDonald books lately and there was something in there that made me really stop and think. I can't remember what I read, but I do know that I came away with something. I have been asking God to help me do what I want to do and getting frustrated when He doesn't do what I ask of Him. Meanwhile, God has been asking me to do somethings and I'm sure getting frustrated because I haven't been doing anything He's been asking me to do. Why in the world do I expect God to do something for me when I'm not doing anything for Him? It probably seems like such a simple little thing to you, but it hit me hard! I have been so stuck up in my own little world that I have had no time for God, unless, of course, I have something I need to pray for! Me and my selfish little self. I haven't been able to see the needs around me. God said that we are to take care of everyone around us and not worry about our needs because someone else will take care of them. 

I've been thinking also about the time I got baptized. I haven't taken it seriously. When I got baptized, my life died, and Christ's began in me. My life is not my own anymore! I am a tool in the hand of the Father. Wow! That's just awesome!! Think about it. Christ living inside of you, being able to use you to bring more people to Him and to do His will! I am finally excited about this Life and I don't want to keep it for myself anymore. God has given me an incredible opportunity to be with some of His people who are hungry for Him, just like me. There are two girls my age, one who is 17 and the other, 18. Both are quiet and caught up in themselves. I know how that is. I am still, everyday, struggling to get out of myself and see others. I may not have everything for them, but obviously God thinks I have something or else they wouldn't be in my path. Maybe it's just a little encouragement or a friend. Both girls are very lonely with like no friends. Maybe I can be that one for them! I don't want to pass up this opportunity to do God's will. I don't want Him to turn to someone else to do it because I was just too caught up in self. 

All this is still a working process and will always be. I need everyone to be with me. I know I'm not the most friendliest person to be around or the most happy at that, but I want all that to change. I want people to go away from me happier than when they came to me. I want my life to be His to do with as He wants. I know I have hurt some people, my friends especially, and I am so sorry! I haven't had time to see them. I want my life to be given to everyone around me. The Messengers get together every Thursday night to talk about God. I want to be an asset to that meeting instead of a hindrance.